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December 2005

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A concerned reader As it has now bee...

Operation Hussy Cat | 6th December 2005, 19:11  
Much time has passed since I last pawed an entry into my journal. Ashley stole my computer again at the end of September; I'm sure there is some link between this 'Yuniver City' they speak of and his prolonged disappearances. This is therefore an entry from November that I have been keeping on a napkin. I have only just noticed, but you may already be aware, that the layout of these blogs has changed. It seems that this Jim fellow must have spotted the plans I had drawn up when he last visited – all those months I spent leaning PHP wasted. Naturally, he has not met my high standards, but at least it's not in ASP.

Following the events of my last entry, I have been investigating further this dubious cat which the family have been feeding. Further arousing my suspicion I overheard Ashley comment before he left that she probably had five owners. For several weeks now I have been watching her movements from my perch on the window sill. True to Ashley's word, every evening she makes her way up the street, visiting each house in turn. Clearly she has spent much time calculating which are the most gullible residents and always heads for the same five, three on this side and two across the tarmac death trap.

With her routine lodged firmly in my memory, I set out to confront the hussy. The daughter was sitting at the computer shopping on Amazon for Christmas presents – I already know about the iPod nano that I am getting this year as she forgot to clear her history yesterday. I rubbed past her legs to initiate the 'kitten wants something' routine, and true to form she was on the floor straight away speaking human at me. As a cat I am often patronised by humans, who seem to think that using a higher pitch will allow themselves to be more clearly understood. Anyways, a small cuddle, and I dragged myself a few paces closer to the stairs. After a few minutes I shot down to the ground floor, human in tow. She provided food, even though I had already eaten, and let me outside – muttering something about mother and I being picky about our food.

The weather this month has been rather unseasonal, and has left me wondering if autumn will ever arrive. The trees may have noticed and kept their leaves but my winter coat has already arrived leaving me hotter than Cindy Purfect in the centre-fold Caribbean Cats spread in last month's Playcat magazine. My usual route to the front of the house has been blocked by the addition of a new fence along the garden's left border, however a new exit exists from behind the shed. I squeezed under the wire fence, muddying my white underside and began to trot down the school drive towards the front garden.

Blog Image
Paparazzi shot of Cindy on her vacation in the Maldives

I ducked beneath the silver automobile, hiding behind the front wheel as I waited for her to come up the road on her nightly rounds. Every few seconds I sneaked a peak through the wheel, glancing at my watch to check the time. She was exactly on schedule, crawling her painful act across the school driveway and into my territory. I let her move in closer, past the automobile and towards the front of the house. When she had her back to me I slowly crept out, readying myself for the pounce. She let out the most protracted meow she could muster, even throwing in a cough or two at the end. Her act was however cut short. Ashley had made an untimely appearance and in an almost comic fashion hissed and flailed his arms at her. Horrified, she made an uncharacteristically energetic escape, literally leaping over me as she fled. A mild satisfaction lingered for a moment, but was soon replaced by annoyance at Ashley's interruption of my carefully choreographed lynching.

In defiance I attempted to flee, scuttling back under the silver automobile. I could hear his footsteps crunching around the drive, before a beaming face appeared in front of me. I darted backwards as quickly as a cat can when under a car, but the biped had beaten me. Dragged, claws primed, from under the car, I was ready to maul him. But when he masterfully whisked me onto my back and rubbed my belly, I melted. It has been a while though – perhaps he has more of those mice with him…

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