NOTE: This tale occurs simultaneously with the events of "Spooky Room" and somewhat afterward.
“…and my boss said to me, he said ‘Danny! That’s not where the cleaning supplies go, and you know it!’ BAH-hahahahahahahaha!” Danny Chin, Residential Advisor, slammed his fist against the table, shaking his residents’ glasses of pop, water and juice. Tessa’s fell over, and she squeaked in surprise.
Those nearest to Danny, Ross Decker, Miles Hogan, Ike Brady, Leah Gooch and Lindsey Keefe winced at the sound of Gwendolyn Kern’s shrieking laughter, the same laughter they had had to endure each time Danny came to a punchline. The rest of the residents ignored their obnoxious RA and ate their mediocre food.
“Oh my goodness, Danny,” Gwendolyn said, breathlessly. “That’s the funniest story I’ve ever heard. It’s pretty much gold. You should go into stand-up comedy.”
Nearby, Ross rolled his eyes. ‘If you listened to Gwendolyn, each of Danny’s stories had been jokes laid down by Da Lord,’ he thought, toying with his pork chop. Gwendolyn shoveled a slice of pizza into her gaping mouth and downed it with a chocolate-chip brownie. Ross gagged. He shared a look with Lindsey and she snorted with laughter. Gwendolyn belched.
Thinking quickly, Lindsey interrupted Danny before the latter could launch into another story. “Actually, Danny, didn’t you say you had some more stuff to go over? From the meeting?” she asked.
“Oh yes, I forgot,” Danny said. “We have to appoint the Hall Council Representative, the Social Committee, the Health Advocate and the Peer Mediator.” He raised his voice so the people at the end of the table who were ignoring him would hear. “Any volunteers?”
Gwendolyn looked up and down the table and, seeing no other volunteers, raised her hand (which held another brownie). “I’ll lead the Social Committee,” she offered. “So will Tessa.” Tessa’s head whipped around and she glared at Gwendolyn, but quailed when Gwendolyn glared back. Tessa nodded.
‘I’m going to regret this,’ Ross thought, and raised his hand. “I’ll be on the social thing too.” Lindsey raised her eyebrow at him and shook her head.
“Great, great,” Danny said. “How about the other stuff? C’mon guys. This is what college is all about!” Miles wondered if Danny believed the nonsense that he spouted, but then realized that he probably did; it took a special kind of crazy to be an RA.
Lindsey raised her hand. “I’ll be the health advocate. What does that do, hand out band-aids?”
Danny nodded. “Yup. Cough drops and condoms too. Shouldn’t be too hard.” He looked down the table. Everyone avoided his gaze. “If you don’t volunteer, I’ll have to start assigning stuff, and nobody wants that.”
Gwendolyn tentatively said, “Maybe if you tell us what the other jobs entail, we’ll want to do them.”
“Oh, of course,” Danny said. “Let’s see, the Peer Mediator is like a second version of me, with no authority, of course. When residents have a problem with each other, say… for example, there’s something missing and somebody thinks their neighbor has it. The aggrieved party will go to the Peer Mediator first (instead of coming to me, since I don’t live down there with you), and the Mediator will try and find out if its true or not.
“Now, the Hall Council Representative goes to all the Hall Council meetings, votes on stuff, and takes care of all of the House’s money.” Gwendolyn’s eyes lit up at this point. Danny continued, “Most houses have about $150, but we’re lucky. We’ve got about $500 in House funds, since we’re (or you’re, rather) stuck down in the basement.” Danny looked up and down the table again. Gwendolyn was feigning disinterest, but Danny saw the gleam in her eye. “Any takers now?” he asked.
Gwendolyn shrugged. “I’ll do the Hall Council one, if nobody else wants it,” she said, knowing full well that nobody wanted it.
“Okay, good,” Danny said. “Anyone for the Mediator?” No reply. “Alright, then. Since nobody wants to do it, I’ll appoint one. I know. Ranger didn’t feel like he needed to stay through the entire meeting, so he gets to be Peer Mediator. Good, I’m glad we got all this taken care of.” He checked his watch. “Darn, the canteen just closed. Oh well, lets head back upstairs. Classes start tomorrow, you know.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me…” Ike said.
***
Later;
Ross and Lindsey stopped off at the vending machines for a snack, since the dinner wasn’t very filling. As they began the long descent towards House 4, she asked, “Why’d you volunteer for the social gig, Ross? You don’t seem like the volunteering type.”
Ross glanced over his shoulder, but the stairway was empty except for the two of them. “Well, as a great comic book once said, ‘Evil prevails when good men do nothing.’ I saw who was gonna be on it, saw that there wasn’t much variance between their attitudes, and I figured that I may as well martyr myself and try to prevent any abuses of power.”
“That’s pretty noble of you,” Lindsey said. Ross threw his head back and stuck out his chin.
“I like to think so,” Ross strutted down the next few stairs, with his hands in the pockets of his vest. He opened the door at the bottom and held it open for her. “Ahf-ter you, Milady,” he said, in an exaggerated accent.
“Thank you, you are most kind sir,” Lindsey replied in the same accent. She dropped her arms on his shoulders and stared into his eyes. “Such a gentleman…”
The two stood there for an eternal moment, and then Ross was struck by a sneezing fit. Fortunately, he didn’t sneeze right in Lindsey’s face, so she laughed. After a moment, he did too, though his was lighter, and more uncertain.
He escorted her to her room, and she blew him a kiss as she closed the door. Ross stood stunned for a moment, then shook his head and ran a hand through his spiky orange hair. He sneezed again and wandered back to his room.
***
Later still;
Danny knocked on the door to B-08, Ranger, Ike and Miles’ room. “Yeah,” called Ike from within. Danny opened the door and stepped inside.
“Is that beer, Ike?” Danny asked.
“Yuh,” Ike grunted. He was playing Call of Fighting 4 and could only spare Danny part of his attention.
“I don’t want to see you doing that again, Ike,” Danny scolded. “I’ll let it go this time, but next time will cost you. Where’s Leonard?”
“Ranger? He’s in his room,” Ike said, coherently this time because his character had just died, and he was waiting for a respawn. “Yo, Ranger!” he yelled.
Ranger came out of his room with a pen in one hand, and a beat-up leather book in the other. “Yes?” he asked. Danny thrust a stack of pamphlets and binders at him.
“These are your instructions as to Peer Mediation. You are officially House 4’s Peer Mediator. Congratulations,” Danny said. “Read those and be prepared to start work tomorrow. And get a new shirt, that one's got a big hole in it.”
“But—What? Huh?” Ranger asked, perplexed.
“Listen, since you decided you were too good to attend the House Meeting, you missed your chance to avoid this duty.” Danny said. In the background, Ike chuckled under his breath. “If you do well, you’ll be able to hand it off to someone else at the semester break. I didn’t want to do this to you, but you left me no choice.” Danny turned to leave. “Your office hours are up to you, but you need to have at least two per week. Good night, gentlemen.”
Ranger watched him go, and when Danny shut the door, Ike burst out laughing. Ranger fumed and disappeared into his room.
