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I think where you may have messed up was in choosing her lip colour. It's way too red, not quite the right shade. A more flesh toned or subtle red may be what's needed there. Also, in panel four her lips are too far down. They should be much closer to the nose. Oddly enough though, the spacing on Hajime-san's lips is just fine. I guess it's because the space looks less uniform...or the angles suggest such an appearance due to the effect of perspective. She's closer to the camera and thus can't really get away with those proportions, since the perspective in the scene suggests otherwise.
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